52 Weeks 52 Verses: I will sing His praises

“The Lord is my strength and my shield; my heart trusts in Him, and I am helped. My heart leaps for joy and I will give thanks to Him in song.”

-Psalm 28:7

I’ve never known what I wanted to do as a career, I knew what I enjoyed, I knew of possibilities, but I’ve never been the one that had a definitive answer. On the other hand I have friends that figured it out in elementary school, that knew what their dream job was and how to achieve it.

In the meantime, while after 26 years I am still floundering to figure out what exactly I should be doing I have been in various job positions, some I loved but were only available for a season, some I did because I needed to be working, others I’ve been bored with but needed something more. I can’t say I’ve ever had a job I really disliked, even when I worked at Home Depot I enjoyed what I was doing, I knew it wasn’t long-term but I actually felt productive. Until recently I have never experienced a job that I did not want to stay with for a while, that I’ve been tempted to walk out on more than one occasion and never to return again. Now even though I say that, and if it ever came to that I would probably walk out, return once I’ve calmed down and handed in my 2 weeks notice.

The job itself is not bad, in the right circumstance I believe I could really enjoy what I am doing; however, the work environment is not very healthy. My boss finds fault in everything and everyone else, in the past week I have found myself being blamed for things that happened that I had no part of, being yelled at for losing call in slips that were in his pocket. No matter what I do, it is always wrong and it’s so hard for me not to want to quit, to yell and scream and cry all at the same time. I’ve never been in a place where what I did was not appreciated even a tiny bit, where everything said to me is in a condescending tone and where after two hours of yelling and cursing are resolved by finding a single sheet of paper there is no apology or laughing it off, the day continues like it never happened.

I don’t find joy in waking up every morning, I don’t feel like I am helping anyone, and I don’t feel like I am being productive. All of which is new to me, and has been a struggle, when I look back 3 months I don’t understand how or why I am still there.

After a particularly hard day this week of feeling picked on and targeted a co-worker texted me saying ‘Don’t let the devil steal your joy” and that’s when I realized I had done just that. I had given away my joy and allowed myself to be filled with anger, frustration and negativity. All of which are not of God.

My job is not my dream job, trying to find the positive in it is not easy, and there will be days where I still want to scream and cry, but I will not let it steal my joy. This job is not my final destination, this job is only a season in the life God has planned for me, I trust Him, He has me here for a reason and I can continue to prayer for His strength and joy in the situation. I will continue to sing His praises and thank Him. I may not embrace this season as wholeheartedly as others but I have a job, I have an income, I am blessed to not have to worry about where my next meal will be, or if I will have a roof to sleep under.

My joy is not defined by the job I have, the people I am around, the things I may or may not accomplish. My joy comes from my God and I will always turn to Him and thank Him in all of my circumstances.

-Elle

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