Time for some Transparency

Time for some transparency, I am terrified of public speaking. The idea of getting in front of a crowd of people and sharing about me, about who I am, is terrifying to me. My fear is a little different; it’s not about an inability to talk in front of people. Sometimes I get frustrated because I have friends that assume that because I am an introvert it means I am anti-social and a hermit (that may be partially true, I am more likely to curl up with a good book than attend a party) but I have friends that decide that I am a complete recluse when they are around. That I lack the ability to talk to people, and that being an introvert is a negative and there biggest wish for me is to throw me out into a group of people to see how I respond (Response 1: You are going to need a new friend).

It is not the idea of standing in front of a group of people that scares me, you can ask me to go lead a group of volunteers on a work site and explain how the day will run and I am fine. You can leave me in charge of the class and explain lighting design, how light works and how it mixes and I won’t bat an eye (By the way the primary colors of light are red, green and blue).

Ask me to pray out loud, talk about myself, share my feelings, encourage a group and I can guarantee you I will attempt to avoid the situation.

Almost a year ago I met Jane at the Hillsong concert while volunteering, in the past year we have worked many events together, one of the largest events was WinterJam two weeks ago. Jane was the volunteer coordinator for the area and I was to be her assistant. The night before the big event I receive a text from Jane saying that I should prepare a speech about why volunteering is important to give to 80 plus volunteers before we started, and for some reason I said yes.

Deciding this was a big step, I am not one to share my heart with others, I know I am supposed to, and that I should be willing to share my experiences and put myself out there. I knew it was something God placed on my heart that I should do, that it was something He wanted me to do. So there I was Saturday afternoon standing in front of 80 plus volunteers and pieces of the WinterJam staff, shaking like crazy, stumbling over my words, having that moment like in the movies where all sounds disappear and the words written on my phone have become blurry. The point isn’t that I struggled through my speech; the point is that I did it. I shared my heart with the group; I shared the words that God had placed within me. Now, does that mean I will volunteer the next time someone needs to give a speech? Definitely not. What it does mean is that next time, it won’t be so hard. It means that I’ve made progress on something that has scared me for years. I may be boasting, or come off as proud with this post. And that’s exactly what I am doing. I am celebrating the small things! In those small moments where I trust God is going to help me through, all though it is something as basic as talking in front of a person, I know in turn He will trust me with the big things He has planned for my life.


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